Day 0023

Learning, learning, learning! Started a self-portrait today, working slowly and as carefully as I can with charcoal. Lots and lots wrong, can't wait to get back to it tomorrow and start correcting where I can. Enjoyable though. Great being in a city where you can nip to a 24-hour pharmacy to buy a mirror in the middle of the night because you fancy doing a self-portrait. It feels good to be working from life, not copying someone else's work.

Also went across to Queens to visit a friend studying at Grand Central Atelier. Very inspirational to see such a density of artistic talent. Some real technical excellence on display, and it's motivational to see work in various states of progression. Made me want to be better and to apply myself more -- there were students there working away on a Sunday; a reminder that some of these guys work 8 hours a day, 7 days a week, for years on end. It's no wonder I'm so far behind. Must get to it!

I stayed up very late yesterday (this morning) reading Tolstoy's biography. It's jaw-dropping. I had no idea how much of a celebrity he was in his own time, and how many good works he did. He had a tremendous concern for the proper education of the peasantry -- he took immense pains over writing an ABC to improve literacy; he was hugely charitable, setting-up and running soup kitchens during a bad harvest, at his own expense (both monetarily and physically); he was an outspoken political activist; he raised substantial sums of money for the relief of the starving peasants; he gave away his possessions; he laboured in the fields alongside the serfs. Powerful, memorable, useful acts.

It's very interesting to reflect how much people value deeds, above and beyond all else ('actions speak louder than words' -- it's true). You can be the most sagacious, clever, compassionate person, but unless you evidence your qualities through recognizable, tangible channels, people won't know or care. If you have the integrity to follow through with whatever grand or generous schemes you can conceive, that's when people truly respect and understand you. The same is true with a work of art. It's all very well to have the innate potentiality to create something, but no-one cares about that. No one will know of the qualities you always knew were within you until you put pen to paper and give them something they can see and touch. So get to work!