Day 0276

Had a horrid, recurring nightmare last night. Seems like sleep tests you, seeing how you react under specific scenarios. Other times I wake up and feel like I've interrupted myself in cycling through my knowledge (often sensory, like touch or smells or feelings), as though sleep's purpose is to keep active and healthy those connections we don't consciously use on a daily basis.

Feel oddly positive about the realisation that people fundamentally don't have the energy or time to care about the things that I worry over about myself. I'm such a small part of their lives that even my major flaws are nothing but tiny datapoints in a torrent of more important information. People more or less go on what you tell them and what you do, and have precious little motive to delve further to uncover any underlying or unspoken qualities or principles. Still waters may run deep, but a vanishingly small number of people will ever fathom them, and with good reason. Provided the surface is reasonably reflective, that's all anyone really wants.

Sick of these Conte Crayons, which keep breaking and can't keep a point.