Jess fell asleep on the sofa and I managed to get model for twenty minutes.
Fields ploughed, air heavy with blackberry and cider apple smells. Dry grass, golden straw.
Woke up and worked hard all day. Ruined my mood by getting worked up by problems which are definitely mainly my fault but I don't want to face up to them. Very quick to anger, very quick to be the victim, when in fact I've created the preconditions for the problem through my own inaction or avoidance of the issue.
Listening to Montaigne, which is very much like Marcus Aurelius' Meditations. Agreeable, sensible, poised and practical.
London, Surrey, Suffolk. Work and commuting. Learned to say no in business, which is something I should have been doing all along.
Budapest to London to Suffolk. Beautiful clear day, lovely flight. Danube meandering across countries, silky smooth channel, turbid with silt, hedges and brown fields of our little island. Lots of work to catch up on tomorrow.
Rainy day in Budapest, confined to eateries and the apartment. Finished A Sentimental Education. Deeply enjoyed it. Deification of the adored object, casual, complete disregard for other loves which are either distractions or echoes of the real thing. The fatal attraction of the unattainable. Implicit assumption of the necessity of mistresses. Collateral of the incidental loves destroyed by the self-obsessed young man. I want more, I love seeing my own despicable nature reflected back at me.
Big day of walking, exploring both Buda and Pest. Indulgent eating. Enjoying the love intrigues in A Sentimental Education and can't stop thinking about them.
Desultory midnight scrawl. Mind and efforts very much elsewhere.
Fireworks over the danube. Lots of waiting. Standardization of experience. Malls in one country identical to malls in another. One city the same as another, with the same homeless, the same consumers and the same tourists.
Vienna to Budapest by train. Endless breakfasts, lunches, dinners, walking, comparisons, cushion of globalisation.